My belief system is built on and around Love…. well most of the time ;)

To realize how small we are in this vastness, in this place we call home, our planet ….

Wow that can be so overwhelming …

and then there is us…

The little people … well where do we fit in? ….

What is the purpose of existence?

How do we manage to connect with the enormity of our world?

 How do we connect with our soul?…

 Perhaps A walk in the park or hike through the rolling hills and deep valleys….

would that float your boat?

How about a night under the stars or a swim in the sea?

Would that work for you?

What feelings would that provoke within you …

Would you notice what I did day to day or anyone else for that matter…did you notice that they may have touched your life in any given time and space?…

How about helping those less fortunate than yourself ….

It may well help you develop empathy …

It would be great for your soul and great for the community ….

Yep…

 I’ll get busy doing that …

that will feed my soul  I thought …

(this story was prior to my heart tribe experiences and was running along side my painting with Tasha and growing my friendship with Lerryn …all part of  of a day in the life of Kirsten ….my journey ) !!!….

I felt the need to spread a little love about our town and so I set to task first taking home baked  cakes to the weekly meet then I chose to front a saturday night team …..a crazy leap into unknown territory ….

I fed the homeless for 7 months throughout the winter from a cold depressing car park in the Town Centre… The only light was the head torches that shone on the faces far less fortunate than myself….

Those who had undoubtly been emotional and physically tortured with no person there to reach out at the time they most needed it, finding comfort in numbing their pain through drugs and alcohol   ….

I tried my best delivering hot homemade soup, sandwiches, hotdogs and cake every Saturday evening, but trying to get helpers to support these needy people was extremely hard ..

To me it seemed that if people didn’t see it then it wasn’t a reality to them therefore it wasn’t bothering them… you know how these things go …

Do we pay attention to the worlds pollution issues or damage to our oceans? Do we worry about the hunted rhino or the extinction of other species already wiped out ?? ….probably not ….

Instead we chose to walk around with our eyes shut ….

Some of my clientele were exceptionally amazing they were busy baking cakes and cutting rounds of sandwiches…

The Saturday afternoon was always busy in my house, frying off sausages heating soup and popping them in thermos flasks and then gathering all our donated stock for that week together and loading up our van…..

We had  all sorts, sanitary wear, toothpaste, clean underwear and builder buckets full of clothing…

Imagine how I felt when a young girl not much older than my own daughter hugged me full of gratitude for handing over a pack of sanitary towels…

Simple sanitary wear…. for god’s sake …..where was her dignity …the poor girl had none she wasn’t allowed to have dignity …she was a homeless kid she didn’t deserve dignity did she ?….

It was a simple item that I take for granted …..

She had been using the local toilet’s toilet paper to wedge in her Knickers …

Knickers she told me were stained from previous periods….

Her dignity totally gone…..The wedge of toilet paper cut her legs and made her sore… she had a wedge of neatly folded  paper in her pocket… it looked like tracing paper with an absorbing value of zilch….

That was her level of dignity …

and it broke my heart…

Trying to get people down to the town at 6.30pm proved hard and one day with nobody supplying soup that week I turned my hotdog sausages into a broth, a cupful and a roll for each person….

I fed 80 plus people each Saturday night but not without help mind  …

They loved it ….I loved it …I felt I was helping in some small way to humanity …..It felt good …..

Yet one night I found myself in an unusual situation…

 I found myself scolded for thinking outside the box …I was told off big time !!!

 I was told by a lady that I was to follow the organ grinder’s requests and not the monkeys advice when taking food into town …I was not to make stew but I was to leave the homeless without soup if none had been made by volunteers….. although she tried hard to soften her spoken words by turning it into a joke a week on and after me handing in my notice I was very upset…

I wasn’t a monkey ….

It was a team decision to stew our food that Saturday as the homeless really needed warmth and a broth would do the job brilliantly …..  

I left the following week after I had slowly pulled my brain apart wondering what I had done to deserve such harsh words…

Was I really just another monkey? ….

Funny really because I call that constant noise in my head monkey chatter ….you know when you can’t switch off from your thoughts and it goes on and on and on in a negative and destructive way like a load of chattering noisy monkeys …..

It broke my heart to leave the characters I had grown fond of …

 It had also been an eye opener for my kids who were more than happy to come and serve …

It opened their eyes in a way that they will always remember how lucky they are to be present in society with so many opportunities open to them and supported by their own loving family with no judgement or criticism …

They will never walk past the homeless in the town without offering warm food which makes me proud ….

So how does other people’s behaviours towards me make me react ?

 How do I recognize myself when people put me down?

 Well I simply revert straight back to a 10-year-old child …fearful of rejection, sad and afraid that I may have done wrong…

I see myself in the mirror everyday …

of course I know who I am …right??

Why do I feel like I’m all jumbled up?

Why do I question my past and the behaviours of others?  ..

Why do I persistently link people’s behaviour and my past together? …

 I can categorically say that the answer is fear …. I am fearful …..

 People’s actions through my life have affected me positively as well as negatively ….

But besides the feeling of fear I also feel a connection to an emotion I am relieved to feel …

 I feel gratitude ….

Life could be a whole lot worse couldn’t it… every living soul on this planet has a story …. 

So when I hear an innocent bird singing its heart out…. I sing too….

It’s simple, yet I feel privileged to listen… it fills me with a sense of gratitude.

 When I see the wind picking up leaves and throwing them about effortlessly or the branches of big tress bowing as the wind takes them I feel exhilarated.

I feel blessed to be living ….I feel blessed to have all that I have …..

I love a sunset… It ends our day …which by the way could have been totally hideous or utterly gorgeous !!….

To be honest it wouldn’t matter either way because it was a day that we took breathe and hopefully found the time to take notice…

There is always a lesson in everything we do, see, say or think and how people behave towards us …

and if you recognize this then that truly is a blessing …

 I know if I was ever awake in time I would love the sunrise just as much.

 A chance to start another day with good intention….

A day to make a difference in any way I can ….

With all that I see hear or do, there is a strong belief …

I believe that I deserve and a believe that I am loved …

So my belief …

Well… can I put it into words? …

 I know I’m adamant in the sense that I will refuse to define it in a solid structured way.

I can’t give it a name …

 I can’t make it look recognizable for you to understand…

well I don’t think I can !!!…..

I know I’m certainly not Godless in a sense….…

I know whole heartedly that there is a greater force turning this world. There is something turning our days to nights and turning our months into years ….

My faith sits within a feeling I guess a feeling of unconditional Love …..It doesn’t sit in a form of a cross and it doesn’t own a label….

The God idea exists in my world, but I’m not sure how I can describe it ….Love would be the closest description….. 

I’ve certainly learnt that if I show my vulnerability and my authenticity with pride instead of shame and confusion, putting all my war wounds on display, it certainly has somehow given others around me permission to do the same ….

Being humble and heartfelt in your words and actions, shining like a light in people’s darkness, being there as a pillar of strength for those in need whether they are known to you or a complete stranger….

That sure does make a huge difference …again Love ….

Have you ever smiled at a stranger …you may be the only person to smile at them that day ……

Try it …

See a strangers face light up …

show them some love …

 I promise if you stay a while and open your eyes and your heart it can be very rewarding….

lots of love kirsten xxx

 

 

 

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