What will be left with if I ….

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Have you ever thought about how you became you ??….

Your life story up to Dec 31st 2018 …

would it make a top 10 seller if it were written down on paper ?? …

drama, sadness, excitement ,tragedy ,distress, confusion, misery ,surprise shock ….goodness the list would be a blog on its own !!

When something massive happens to you it undoubtedly influences your life, your thoughts, your views and it is those things that shapes you ….

The good and the bad ….

but can it define you?? ….

If I think about myself …

If I think about what I have been through and I remove it all …. I find myself with an odd question ..

who do I become ?? …

If I stop hanging onto past pain and the stories that connect me to them ….

then who do I become ??…..

If I stopped hanging onto the joyous parts of my life you know ,all those happy memories that I tend to draw upon in the bleaker moments of my life( as I believe we all do )….

then who would I become ??…..

So the bad stuff …well lets try anything an everything to eliminate, eradicate remove forever mentally all that has harmed us emotionally ,physically and physiologically ….that in itself is a lifetime of working through lol ….and then stuff just keeps coming !!!

For me ….well ….

Should I judge myself on how fast or how slow I whip through self help books when sometimes I only take half a dozen words from 100’s of pages that actually resinate with me and make me feel like I’m doing an ok job at this life thing ??

where oh where does my mind wonder when in meditation ??( that can be quite shocking …frightening …upsetting or plain boring like my shopping list !! )

How exhausted have I become when I ‘do’ …..pushing myself forward to help others… offer my help wherever I can …. The places and things I get myself involved in to heal myself throught thought or deed …..

those things are important to me …..

Is there ever a right or wrong way to do “stuff” as long as an intention for good was set in the first place???

ohhhh and of course most importantly the end result is eventually achieved in a good way with kindness for oneself or others and is done with gratitude and love ….

The disagreements ,arguments and unfair judgements made by family or friends that you hear about through a grapevine ..The ever pressing family politics or that group of people you thought were your friends … that familiar knife stuck in yet again ….

Do you waste your precious time trying to solve ,eradicate soften ,protect explain or fight to be understood loved or excepted …..

hmmm ……

What will I be left with If I emptied that closet hypothetically speaking….

or if I challenged myself to clearing my very own proper closet …..

well with a house move done this year I did a lot of clearing and it was painful that was for sure ,but also very cleansing for the old soul !!!!

Ok ” chose what to keep and what to throw out” …it was that simple to say but harder to put into action ….

I know the things I did throw out I would definitely want again, I would undoubtedly regret my actions for sure ….or so I thought ……

material stuff versus memories ….well nobody can take memories from you but it’s the things that trigger the memories that hold the precious powers … I kept a lot of those things lol ….

Can you clear out ,can you remove, can you lay to rest your “stuff”……

Are you afraid of who you would become without your stuff ??….

Does your stuff define you so much that you wouldn’t recognise yourself without it ??

I decided not to be afraid of the ‘who I am because of my stuff ‘ I realised I wouldn’t be me without it and i have found a positive way to embrace it all ….

It will take time …but through a load of love and a true understanding of a situation, person, behaviour or thought the tangled web can be picked apart unravelled and smoothed out ….

Forgiveness would be the final resting place for me to gain a quiet mind …

Forgiving myself and others in 2019 whether I will find that as easy as writing it …well only time will tell ….I am only human after all….

happy new year everybody …

love and light kirsten xxx

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