STUCK AND STICK …
words are funny aren’t they …
Have you ever given yourself time to ponder on a word …find it’s meaning or it’s purpose in our language …
I’ve been playing with words today …..
So am I STUCK ? …..
dohhhhh that’s an easy one !!!…
yes I sure am !!….
I’m stuck with this thing called MS ….
OMG I am totally stuck and it sucks ….. its a real s*** of a beast !!!
can I STICK with a positive attitude towards it ??……
I bloody well hope so …
I’ve had enough life experiences that show me that things do get better and things that happen can make you a better person ….
I’m playing with 2 little letters … I and U ……
Those letters can make or break you I’ve decided ….
When it comes to that dark place we go when we become consumed with fear or dread or sadness, thinking can be so dangerous especially if it’s negative …
You’re sat in silence ,yet the noise inside your head is unbearable….thoughts are screaming at you to take notice …pay them some attention…
They won’t stop … …niggle niggle niggle ………nag bag bag……
those thoughts want to provoke
they want you to…..
react …….they want to drain you ……
so from STUCK to STICK…
OK so bear with me on this one :):):)
I’m changing one letter to change one thought thats what I want to say today …….
I’m pretty certain it will make a huge difference to your emotional well being if you grasp what I’m waffling on about….
see what you think …..
Life can be happy or sad …we all feel those emotions they are the easy ones …..
I believe it is your perception on how you let ‘things’ affect you that will depend on the quality of your life you manage to live …..
Oh and I kinda think that the quality of life isn’t found in material objects or money…..
It’s found in kindness, love, understanding knowledge and light….
that is where we find life with meaning …
I guess it’s about consciously living with all our hearts …..
In turn those qualities shine through and our behaviours reflects out into the world…..
I didn’t think I was a strong person until just recently despite all the obstacles I have overcome , It didn’t matter how many times I was told this I couldn’t see it ….
I felt a victim of my younger years ….
my life experiences burdened with such sadness …. I was loaded, lumbered, saddled with grief and pain …
And those emotions were heavily laced with confusion and anger…..
I felt embarrassed when people said I was brave, strong, inspiring and such like …..
I was almost ashamed of my ability to cope….
I seemed to deal with my s**t with a positive attitude….. choosing to put a smile on my face , but i didn’t know how really …..
maybe its in my DNA…
I suppose I reached the point where I knew I was responsible for my inward thoughts….
I was baffled ,stumped, bewildered and confused at how cruel life could be ….
I found myself feeling helpless and very lost at some points in my life ,but I could also see that It was only me that could lift me from the claws of depression and bitter sadness …..
I just needed the tools to awaken my dying soul …..
It was my curious spirit that lifted me….
Enough was enough …
I had and still have a thirst about me for knowledge….
I wanted to absorb anything that would help me stay strong especially for this next part of my journey ….
I have to let whatever is coming through, come through ….
stuff will stop at my station and I must welcome it into my life for a day.. a month… a year ….a lifetime …
It will be a lesson ….
We all have a fair amount of s*** to deal with …
I think thats a pretty fair comment …..
We wouldn’t be living if life was all plain sailing…
What would life be like if it was an easy peasy journey where nothing really happened …..there were no tests for resilience or patience ….
How would you grow in courage and strength …would you learn forgiveness, acceptance, love just for starters !!!
I think not !! …. you have to feel pain to learn some of the most important lessons in life ….
So back to STUCK and STICK ….
I used to play ‘stuck in the mud’ as a kid ….
Do you remember playing it ???
You’d find a line of kids walking the playground chanting these words
“Join on if you want to play kiss chase” or stuck in the mud or hops scotch…
We were STUCK together….
Arm in arm, linked to make a strong chain… we were creating a visual, appealing line that you felt excited to join ….
Everyone was so enthusiastic ,buzzing wth excitement because it was…..
The line would break up when there was enough people and a game would start kids darting in all directions squealing with delight as they raced away from the tagger ….
We were found charging around the playground dropping to our knees as we ducked underneath our school pals legs shouting…..
This was screamed at the top of our voices freeing up the already tagged team member….
They had been caught….they were Stuck in the mud :):):)
They were STUCK, but as a team member we would STICK by them freeing them up watching each others backs keeping the team safe ….
I remember it being really good fun ….
But as an adult now thinking back, I guess there would have been some children struggling with their ‘thought demons’ or learnt behaviours and for some reason only known to them just couldn’t join in …
They must have been filled with sadness as dread or panic or a sense of not belonging took over ….
They only watched on from the side lines …left out of the fun that was taking place ….most probably feeling disconnected and undeserving …..
They were stuck in a belief system where their life experiences blocked them from joining in …
For me though I just wanted to be loved ….
I was STUCK in a place that was so scary….
To be 10 years old …
I felt very much alone a lot of the time ….
My mothers death had left me suspended in grief with little support that would be beneficial to my mental wellbeing as I grew into a young Lady …..
I was STUCK …..
So what am I now…
I am still STUCK …..
But I’m STUCK fast with a super network of friends …
I have found my tribe ….. I am secure :):):)
I’m STUCK with MS thats for sure ….
but I’m STICKING to my treatment plan even though I feel like a pin cushion and I’m f***** off that this a life long commitment with no making me better….
I’m realising its no easy feat living with the pain and odd sensations I have to endure….not that people really want to know that when they ask how you are !!!!!…..
So how about you though ???….
Lets play with some words that we throw about in communication on a daily basis…
You could STICK at your job (because you have obligations or financial commitment )
you could STICK your job ….(to the person who employs you because you’ve had enough )
you could be stuck in your job ….(with nowhere else to go because you have no belief system )
STUCK also means :-
to be lumbered with …
made responsible for…
unable to get rid of or escape from ….
So from those words which one would I choose to bring about positivity….
I’m stuck injecting….
but actually I’m taking responsibility for my illness….
“I’ve been made responsible”
I have been made responsible because someone up there has decided I can cope with this …….
I can help raise awareness, I can fund raise, I can be an inspiration and all because I’m STUCK with MS…..
Yet stuck also means secure….
If you stuck something together with glue it would be fixed …
It would still show the damage ,but I think that adds to the character of whatever you’ve stuck together….it tells a story…..
Just like me 😁
I choose the word STUCK in a secure way …
I think it sounds safe and positive …..
and STICK well it can be used like this
stick it out ….carry on ….persevere ….struggle on …hang on in there…. soldier away ….
How positive do they sound…..
To endure, persist ,continue, tolerate ,accept…..
so thats how I would choose to fight MS ….
The two letters that change a negative thought into a positive thought look like this …..
I U ………
or what about this
U ……………… ( I smile )
Its only ever your perception that creates your emotions ……Change your perception if life doesn’t quite fit right ….. or if it feels uncomfortable or makes you sad ….
Look for the positives however difficult that may be at times …
I’m a glorified nutty pin cushion now ,but I’m sticking with that and I’m far from stuck with MS because there is always hope for a cure ….
I will never be stuck !!!
I refuse point blank !!!!
love and light kirsten xxxx