A small pair of knickers and an over sized shirt !!!


google image ….not me lol !!!

Why do we do it to ourselves again and again !!!!

I will start with my wardrobe and I’m sure male or female you will totally get what you are about to read …..

My wardrobe consists of sizes 10 12 14 16 plus even maternity in various shaped tops….
I have Jeggings, leggings and jeans depending on wether I am having a fat day or I’m out to dinner and need that extra eating room …
Perhaps I am going to be upright all day and have the ability to consciously hold my belly in … In that case I will opt for a slick pair of hugging trousers but I dare not  sit down for the muffin top may appear  I may even stop breathing  and bending over could risk splitting my pants !!!…..

Sometimes  I’m after comfort as its that time of the month again and I am happy to let it all hang out behind closed doors… hidden from the world and its ever judging eyes !!! …….

and dresses …

well… long, short, tight, poofy posh and casual …

They say a dress for every occasion…well thats my wardrobe …but half of them don’t bloomin fit and now live on a rail in the loft in the hopes that one day they will fit !!!

I even have a few jumpers in a size 22 because I simply love to snuggle in an over sized baggy number…

In my head I think I look like one of those movie stars that just threw on shirt and moved   across the bedroom in a relaxed and sort of sexy seductive “we have just had sex” kind of daze ….. That scene where they are in a small pair of pants and an oversized shirt all romantic and deeply in love ….if I’m in clothing at bed time though my hubby knows to stay clear !!

It seems to be an unspoken rule for most people I know as far as sex and  bedtime goes !!!

LOL (who am I kidding right  i don’t look like that ) !!!

moving onto my makeup bag …

well thats more or less empty now a days …keeps my  costs to a minimum !!!

I have a blusher and a mascara and a kohl pencil that I put under my eyes …you know the one with a smudger at the other end …I can get that Iconic 80’S look that defines us women as an 80’s chick now in our 40 to somewhat boarding 50’s !!!
I think Adam Ant played a big part in that look !!!

When I was at work I would wear a generous layer of foundation caked and set with powder to hide spots bags or rashes….

We had to look our best every day …

…The bad skin was a big problem for me as the spots would never go away a vicious cycle that I couldn’t escape from …
I worked long hours with a lot of stress… I had a bad diet and of course lived on cold sweet coffee and fags… I spent my days under the fog of hairspray and bleaching dust …..

so moving onto hair …I’ve made some dodgy style choices all in the name of fashion ….blonde hair… brown hair… red hair …….straight… curly …long… short… bobbed… inverted… I’ve even had a full head of 32cm long curly extensions waxed into place because my hair wouldn’t grow quick enough ….

natural …..
back then no …
but I am now ….

I have been every colour under the sun …but was I happy ???

My hubby (bless him) also had my full attention as I trained to be a hairdresser needing a number of models to tick off my vast required criteria and all because I wanted to get that all important C & Guild qualification …

He had high lights with that rather fetching rubber cap on his head !!!

He suffered a perm that had to be clippered off within the hour because it was way to tight ….The cut then left some rather ghastly rubber band marks in beautifully straight lines all over his head !!!!

One thing we used to slap on our heads at school were toners and shaders.

Do you remember them ???

They were small sachets that cost if I remember rightly about 50p and we picked them up in the corner shop chemists …

My favourite was chestnut brown !!! Except somehow it always went bright bloody orange and the promise of ‘out in 10 washes’….

well that was a total lie !!!

Chris got carried away with the legendary Sun in …the blonde bomb shell down the beach …he would have made a rather hunky life guard but he didn’t like sand or getting wet ,so the ice cream booth pulling 99’s was where he spent the summer of 1990 !!!

Mind you I thought he looked stunning with his tan and his heavy wedged curtains…

He working in the ice cream booth on bournemouth beach seafront and I visited regularly  …… We were just friends for a long time, but the falling in love thing started to happen between us   …

the romance simmered on through he winter and feb 1991 we committed to a relationship …that was a good year !!!

We all seem to have a fascination in transforming ourselves ….

Our hair seems to be one of the easiest way to do this …

Reinventing ourselves can become somewhat addictive if we are searching for change and it goes without saying ….EXPENSIVE !!! …

we have a hair cut for an interview …

we spruce ourselves up for a date ….

we wash our hair and mask it with chemicals to protect it, help it grow or preserve a colour ….

we even spend a tiny fortune on controlling and taming the curls ….

The girls from the noughties will all admit that they buggered up the condition of their hair using straighteners ….

Believe me I have nursed the length back from chunks of missing hair on many distraught teenage girls bringing it back to life over a longer period than they ever thought it would take, many opting to bob their locks in a bid to beat the splits !!! …

They were so obsessed with the trend and went way over the top with that poker straight look… Many of them were unable to afford the £100 plus for GHD’s so were dragging cheaper brands through their hair with no protective products several times day as soon as a kink appeared….

The girls right now leading the 21st century fashion will look back at the photos that define their era and notice tight leggings, mid drifts on display and rather prominent pencilled on eye brows not to mention the cleavages but thats  because they have fillets or bras with copious amounts of padding in them…..

Sadly it leaves the boys a little disgruntled when they discover the boobs aren’t all that they were made out to be ….(I’m only jealous or am I)??!!!

And we won’t go into nails …..all these businesses make a tidy little sum …..but does it make us happy for the rest of our life time ???

The obsession or need to renew ourselves creates a huge opportunity for some to make big bucks….

and thats fine don’t get me wrong…. we all need to make money to live…

money is made because …..

Fashion in all its glorious array of seasonal changes keeps us (we believe) current …..

Accessories are a big part of fashion and we get tempted to finish a look …

We buy ‘it’ and love ‘it’ for a couple of weeks and then under the bed it goes or it gets slung into the bottom of the wardrobe only to be sold for a bartered 50p at a boot sale when it cost you at least fiver if not more the year before….Its madness !!

Hair and makeup well that obsession I’ve already covered ….

Then there are tanning beds ,fake bakes, and spray tans….we look good with a healthy glow right ???

Weight controlling pills or nutritional supplements deemed to work miracles with little or no effort….(I’ve fallen for that one )!!!

Current trends in diet make us spend not only on subscriptions,joining fees and most importantly the food, but the electrical gadgets to make our food prep easier …. quick food easy peasy and a nightmare from hell when cleaning those juicers, smoothie makers and grills !!!! I have a juicer a smoothie maker and an air fryer !!!

We can change our smile …take away our wrinkles… whiten our teeth…have a boob job… have a nose job… pin our ears back …have a tummy tuck… the list is I reckon endless ….all with a load of money thrown at our human bodies…..but will it make us happy long term ….the answer is probably not for many of us ….

we are trying to find ourselves and fit in ….

But for those of us that fall for that urge and a need for renewal (me included in the past ) this addiction leaves us broke, overdrawn and constantly searching for the next thing to give us that buzz….a confidence boost …a’get me noticed’ moment or the gotta be fashionable fix and the biggy ‘I need a change ‘thought process….
All the above can be very dangerous or very liberating or both and that constant searching can leave us deeply unhappy …

I believe we are not made for gathering ‘stuff ,things ,belongings  ‘ not really …

We were made to live ,but we are so busy trying to fit in with an ever-changing society that we forget the  living part  ….we are just existing ….

It clear to see why things constantly change …they call it the economy ….but why to we feel the need to follow the crowd ??

Sadly we only get a short lived moment of feeling new, reborn, alive and confident when we reinvent ourselves …we seek to be reborn  physically but  emotionally …well thats a different level  of living ….

we are simply us and will always be simply us ….. ….

That bad hair cut, or colour ,or a fringe you really regretted …..
The baggy trousers and crop top that actually did nothing for you but it was current and you wanted to wear it to that party …. the photos on FB  are testimony to the way we get pulled into what everyone else is doing and we want to be part of it !! !!….

The handbag that was either way to big or stupidly small ….

The shoes that nearly killed you …

The skirt that was way too short  …

The pants that fell down and the bra that cut in and  drew attention to your back fat …..

that bra that was supposed to stay put but you found it around your waist after a boogie in the night club!!!

The dreaded leggings that showed the world your dimples on your derrière and the shape of your favourite maybe lucky pants ( I think if they are on show through your leggings it wouldn’t be so lucky for you but again thats a personal opinion )!!

That stuff doesn’t  define you …they don’t make you you ……

We spend to long defining ourselves by what we are not…..

so I found these words on the net called the five W’s of life ….

I thought it could be a completely different way to dress yourself each morning …

Who you are is what makes you special ….do not change for anyone.
What lies ahead will always be a mystery….do not be afraid to explore.
When life pushes you over….you push back harder.
where there are choices to make …make the one you won’t forget .
Why things happen will never be certain…take it in your stride and move forward…..

so the question here lies …..

Are you up for outward renewal or inward renewal ???…

I’d go for inward renewal every time ….thats where real change happens …..

I don’t need to be chestnut brown, big boobed, fashion conscience or skinny to work on the internal stuff , but its working on the internal stuff that helps your confidence and allows you to rest peacefully with your journey through the best gift you’ll ever be given …and that gift  is the gift of life ….

If you feel good on the  inside  I promise the outside will reflect this back out into the universe ……

you won’t need all that ‘stuff ‘to make you beautiful ,current or popular …..

be brave and let your soul work the magic within you …..who you are is what makes you special …..

love and light kirsten xxx





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