There is still a sparkle in my eyes …

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For those who are following my story or know me personally you’ll know how active I was and for those new to my blog ….this is what happened ….a massive MS relapse took me for a fair few months in to a wheelchair back in March 2017 …..this blog is a part of a book I have written …..

I never dreamt that as I holidayed in the Balearic islands way back in the 80’s with my parents and my sister that I may one day never take to the waters again……I was always the first to be in the pool each morning and was always ready to play mermaids… ( I will let you into a secret … you see I was a real mermaid in the 80s ) πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰

I loved diving swirling tumbling and splashing….playing tag in the waters and darting into the deep to dodge the younger less confident holiday friends……

I would stretch myself out on the shallow steps of the hotel pool (that was the safe zone what we called home ) with my tail stretched out (come on imagine with me !!) ….. I was resting as the water ran off my shiny sun lotioned body , my parents looked on over the tops of their books, occasionally taking to the pool themselves so I could clamber over their body’s to get as high as I could before they threw me high into the air sinking in a curtain of bubbles as I struggled to get my bearings … only to surface quickly begging to do it all over again …..

I loved the way the outside world sounded as I sunk to the bottom of a pool ….I loved sitting cross legged on the pool floor watching the underside of dingys or bright green lilos pass me by and seeing others in Goggle’s waving at me as they too took to the depths …..

I believed back then that I was I mermaid …you see when your a kid anything is possible isn’t it ??….finding it kinda difficult to think that way nowadays mind!!

It’s just that as you grow older (and some would say wiser) that you begin to doubt your ability to do anything and then the things you loved doing you never seem to have time for … you kind of stop living and the mundane way of 21st century getting through life just takes over …..

My auntie takes me swimming at pelhams one of my local pools …….and we’ve been most weeks since May 2018 I suppose ….apart from a wild swim in the stour and a few sea swims …oh and of course the white Christmas dip for our local Macmillan unit in christchurch……twice now …

It seems strange that a while back she was sitting in my lounge watching me sleep as fatigue took over just from talking for 10 minutes … she was taking me to the kitchen to assist in preparing a cooked meal for my hubby and kids to come home to just so I felt useful …. and she did a grand job of making Sure i didn’t fall as I moved from my sofa to the loo …..

How far I’ve come hey …..and then backwards a bit and then emotionally completly floored because I just can’t cope with the pain and struggles ….

So BH Live Active, Pelhams has been a god send to me as its a small pool with amazing changing facilities and superb steps down into the waters …..

I’m now swimming 50 lengths of this pool in just under half an hour which I believe is 1 whole kilometre ….my mile trophy is in sight now …..hmmmm PMSL…..I went backwards for months….sometimes 30 lengths and some weeks no swimming at all…..

And I now dive in from the deep end …I sure can give my Auntie a run for her money as we battle it out rythem wise in the lanes …..exhausted and half dead on completion πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰

But yesterday was different ….I took to the pool on my own …I haven’t done it since mind !!

I wasn’t supposed to as I was going with a friend as my auntie couldn’t make this week with me …..but my friend had got caught up ……

so I drove …(finally got my licence back between Christmas and New year) and sat outside wondering whether I could do this ……

Well I’m writing this update because I did manage…..

I’m not saying it was easy and I’m not sure if I would put my self forward on a regular basis to do it on my own, but 50 lengths achieved and my stretching exercises done to warm down , I took to the gradual sloping steps to get out and it hit me ……

My legs as they always do felt heavy as I heaved myself up out of the water ….

oh god I thought….I really need My auntie…..

I felt extremely vulnerable…….

I stood for a minute focusing on the next set of railings that make for the viewing point for the baby pool …but someone was leaning over them watching her child participating in a private swimming lesson …….

oh god ….

“hello” …

“excuse me” ….

Nope I couldn’t get her attention ….

The bench where I had left my towel and wash gear was insight …but I had this lady to pass once I got her attention …..

So without my auntie’s arm and my drop foot well and truly playing up I went for the rails…. this woman was looking horrified as a rather wet me almost yetti like stumbled towards her ..

I plopped on the bench chuffed that I’d made it….. so the next stop…..the showers !! …..

Whilst I’m undressed its a good use of spoons ( check out the spoon theory) to have a shower rather than at home …

you see I do have a shower at home but getting over the bath is like climbing a mountain to me …..

so the shower at pelhams is always a great help and saves me some spoons ….

I’m sat there contemplating my next move when I am approached by the lunch time life guard …..

And he says

” hi there do you need some help …I know you are normally here with a friend to help you ….

I replied

“thankyou…. yep I’m normally here with my auntie ” ….

He continued to say as I moved on towards the showers

” if you need any help my colleague is just around the corner” …

so I went from one kind lifeguard onto the next young man who’s duty at that time was cleaning through the shower area ….

It was lovely (to me) that this lifeguard had offered help, but had also noticed my regular weekly pattern and had noticed I was minus my carer…..

And to you young man whom I didn’t get his name ( that would have looked like I was chatting him up πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰) I thank you from the bottom of my heart because it really showed that you care …….and you have no idea of my journey, yet you realized that yesterday was a big deal for me …..

Thankyou to the staff at pelhams for getting me back on my feet you’ll never know what an impact your smiley faces and caring manners have on so many people like myself …… and that includes sophie and Carla at the feel good factory……

So anyone who thinks they can’t ….you possibly can ….

My hubby said to me when sports person of the year was on tv a few weeks back ….

“how do you fancy focussing on the Paralympics… know you could if you wanted too “…..

Hmmmmm…..Never say never ………..

Well here I am well over year on now since I posted the above on fb and It’s been a bumpy year and I’m certainly no where near the Paralympics lol ……..I’ve dipped in lengths ,but I’m still swimming ….

I’ve struggled somewhat with my treatment therapy ,injecting which isn’t my cup of tea and I’ve got a leg brace now to support this bloomin drop foot …I’ve been battered big time by the flu and struggled with fatigue ….my swallowing has gone to pot and I’m struggling with muscle spasms and heat sensitive episodes …..ohhhhh the joys of MS ….

but hey…

the main thing is I’m still trying and thats what keeps the sparkle in my eyes …and yes there is still a mermaid within me … with glitter in my brain and an attitude Β that is fit for selling because I do what it says on the tin … I persevere …..

My message to you all.

don’t give up …..

ever …..

love and light kirsten xxx

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1 thought on “There is still a sparkle in my eyes …

  1. Xx β€οΈπŸ§œπŸ»β€β™€οΈπŸ§œπŸ»β€β™€οΈ


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