Nerves can be seen as the flipside of excitement…

When your tummy does somersaults and your mind is racing at 100 miles an hour is it fear or excitement??

Do you understand the emotions you are feeling ….because I know mine got all jumbled up leaving me in a state of confusion sadness and fear ….

I spent 10 years getting very confused over the 2 emotions and battled through what was perceived as anxiety and depression…..

I had those awful score your feelings printouts where the doctor then simply added up the points for a diagnosis leading to copious amounts of drugs…betablockers diazepam propranolol sertraline…..I tried them all ….

A simple family meal had me battling the fight or flight …..emotions running wild ….head space *ucked !!!

Sadly extended family didnt really understand and friends gave up inviting me places …once you’ve said no half a dozen times they stop inviting you and you realise youve been left behind ….not their fault at all ….you see the flight or fight can be so very dangerous …its a spiral that once you are in it it take you up in its cyclone away from all the people you love and stops you doing the things you had so much passion for once upon a time ….

…we will all be feeling odd sensations when we step back into our new world….

lockdown has given us time to think time …to feel ….and time to breathe …and as may arrived and the blossoms popped in the hawthorn trees I realised how much time had flown but life had stood still ….

You may be feeling as I do that the shackles of life’s fast paced way of living and the ever rising expectations have dropped from you ….fear may be creeping in as try and fathom out how on earth you go back to living this life or you may be mulling over what life you actually want to go back to ….

Whatever you are thinking find the excitement when making your choices….

Dont let the feeling of dread or fear takeover …You are in control of what feelings you let bubble up …and you can choose to fly or fight ….but remember as I’ve said before we didn’t come into this world from our mothers womb and shout of *uck I’m scared….we went with the flow of birth taking life as it was (a bundle of live wrapped in a bundle of warmth reacting learning and feeling as we grew but sadly picking up insecurities from others ….picking up other peoples fears and feeding on negative judgement always striving to change our exterior whilst our souls screamed out “stop…. just be you ” …..

So as lockdown will come to an end because we have to return to some sort of normal will you be able to understand your emotions rationally . Baby steps being kind to yourself and using this time wisely will benefit you hugely ..

For now build on hope love and excitement not fear dread and worry ….

Love and light

Kirsten xxxxx

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