The first person to make a difference is you !!

its been a while since I’ve written anything …..and when i say anything i don’t just mean on here ….i have copious amounts of notebooks with hundreds of words scribbled in them ,odd bits of paper that have become bits of treasure to me because at some point some how i was compelled to write them down …..

its funny how your soul speaks out in ways that if you are listening or watching out for the signs can blow your mind ….and those bits of paper are the words that need to be written !!

for me right now listening to my soul has been the key to staying sane ….its been a tough old year in so many ways not only because my daily battles are challenges set before me by the cruel disease i have but covid has really been playing around bullying us into a new norm, a weird way of living ,a year frozen in one way but still passing us by making it feel like a wasted year ….

so how have i made a difference …

well I wasn’t able to hold my coffee mornings ,I wasn’t able to hug those I love friends and family alike even those strangers I’d get chatting to!! I wasn’t able to help out in the charity shop and as life slowly shut down around me and restrictions came into play the walks, the camping and the general meet ups that fed my soul stopped…..

like many of us I started to shut down ,I was losing the plot, frustration taking hold mixed in with the dreaded feeling of fear as i really didn’t want covid knocking at our door….so im not sure if I’ve made a difference …..and I dont like that feeling one little bit ..

So my vaccine was administered on Friday and I’m feeling a whole lot safer ….almost invincible however the main thing in the blurb the doctor spoke about prior to injecting me was that the rules don’t change ….still all the rules are firmly in place for hands space face ……and too be honest I wonder how I will feel when these somewhat restricting rules are lifted …..

When I look back on the past 12 months and I pick apart trauma from drama freedom from isolation and sadness from happier times its not been so isolating traumatic or sad as my mind sometimes thinks ….our minds are such devious little buggers pulling us into a false sense of fear as it chats to us in those quiet moments …..yes things have changed and for some of us its been bloody hard ….loss of jobs, relationship problems, struggles with children and copious unforseen challenges as our responsibilities changed across the board…the fight over loo rolls nearly a year ago was just the beginning and so trivial now !!

So when looking for change or making a difference in any way whether it be for the planet, for your wellbeing, for the rights of others, for the love of animals, for anything political ….for anything you feel passionate about ….it starts with you …..

As we start to see and feel the change in the swing of covid v the world it may well bring about a pile of emotions, for many familiar feelings like joy as you hug a loved one freedom as we travel further than our own town happiness as we share food round the table relief as we remove our masks and a smile can be clearly seen …..but there will be emotions that we didn’t see coming and those are yet to be felt and understood in time …..

So as we step closer towards our new world what changes are you going to make … any differences you want to see starts with you ….for me I’ve gone inwards and not in a negative way …I’m soul searching and I’m growing through personal life questioning…. I’m a bit like a caterpillar waiting to pop open my cocoon at just the right time so I make a difference to our world ..well hopefully !!!

Love and light kirsten xxxx

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