No chemo no cure …..

So I’m quite proud of my self as I start week 2 of my treatment….. i’m challenging my immune sysyem to a battle and I’m feeling confident the outcome will be a good one …..

this week I start the score board with Kirsten 1 MS nil !!!

I chose eventually to travel to Mexico for HSCT because the fear of what multiple sclerosis was doing to me , the progression that I was feeling and loved ones were seeing had become a little scary …

The progression on many levels had me in a spin as to whether I was continually relapsing or my diagnosis was about to change course

and yes I was right…..

Of course I was right…

I live with my body

I live with this disease….

why should any specialist question what I say i think is going on…

I’ve never been in denial and i have always had a curious thought process wanting to know anything and everything when sat onfront of the man himself (that 1 precious hour where in fact all the questions go straight out of the window)

so why here do I find that the specialist hears me ?? …

it is not the money or having the privilege to cough up the bucks however the funds are raised …its twice as expensive in the UK and the criteria and hoop jumping is near on impossible….

so why do I get answers here a million miles away from my home, my loved ones, my life ?? ……..

well this network of 5 incredibly committed highly skilled and compassionate teams want to stop Multiple sclerosis dead in its tracks and give me the freedom i deserve…..

why would they not do everything in their power to understand how far the disease has travelled and what damage has been done ? ….

they to are in battle with me but on the front line and this is because they are highly skilled warriors that can challenge the beast in question and let me concentrate on protecting nurturing and strengthening my soul….

so …

no new lesions but continued deterioration led to the mexican neurological specialist confirming my worst fear …SPMS…secondary progressive multiple sclerosis……maybe my neurological specialist in the UK when asked if this treatment was worth trying knew what my soul would feel if another specialist got involved …

the silent tears as the scans revealed those ever present large sparkles of glitter and the physical tests revealing issues of balance,semi paralysis, slow reaction reflexes and as I had felt for a good 2 years an eye that no longer sees properly I knew I was in the right place doing the right thing at the right time and so I am preparing for this battle …

I no longer wear just a pair of boxing gloves as they will not do the job …

I’m fully clothed spiritually in armour…I might sound strange or barking mad but I know for sure that this is where my strength is coming from….

I’m digging deep beyond fear beyond selfpity beyond the depths of despair …..

my body is in a physical battle and that’s fine as I’m in the safest hands I’ve ever been in…the knowledge and care is second to none and because of this I can concentrate on spiritually connecting with all those life lessons that have brought me to this point in my life…

it is my soul that is challenged in a spectacular way on so many levels … and its blowing my mind ….

I can already feel the armour dropping away ,my body although physically exhausted from fighting is lighter…

and in spirit (as this hell of a journey is unravelling before my very eyes) is embracing every emotion and I’m grateful for the lessons of compassion faith hope and love that just keep popping up …..

So week 1 behind me …2 5 hour chemo sessions done

8 subcutaneous injections to draw out the bone marrow done

Tablets by the bucket load done

Cystitis from hell now under control with antibiotics

Sleeping tablets and painkillers …all down the hatch along with liters of water and electrolytes to rebalance that process of hydration…..

and I’m still standing!! Yeah yeah yeah!!!! Sing with me guys !!!

Thus week is going to be exceptionally challenging physically the worst is yet to come so I’m told ….I’m always up for honesty ….and so I will step into each fear bubble as when I need to and feel that fear using it in only a positive way ….and pop it when I’m done ….that’s my way right now of dealing with this rather scary overwhelming adventure….but you know what I’d rather be fighting multiple sclerosis than “lions and tigers and bears oh my “!!

I’m on the yellow brick road and home is just a foot tap away …and with the love from all of you that I genuinely feel every second that I’m here I’m not afraid …….love to you all my darling friends family and anyone else ♥❤

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